I love you more than anyone on the planet...and I have wanted to hit you with a pool stick about ten times this week.
Did you see the lamp move?!
Do you think it was a ghost?
Mom, the sea water healed your skanky lip.
Why can't he just poop in one place, like a normal dog?
Nick broke the catapult!
The oj is gone!? But I just bought it thirty minutes ago!
I got up this morning and all the furniture was rearranged.
I want a blue bird tattoo on my shoulder.
How you gonna fit your 6 ft. 8 inch self into a tiny gocart?
That's why I don't need to go to a comedy club. I got the show right here.
Hey nanny, do you know the navy?
I guess Mitt got the looks in the family.
I bet the three of you haven't touched a toothbrush all week.
Mmmm girl, you could roast a marshmallow on that!
You follow Colin Cowherd on twitter?
I just fell in love with you even more.