Tuesday, June 28, 2011

oh where is my hairbrush?

by teresa

The dog stunk. Bad.
It's been hot and although the majority of his days are spent on his throne (an over sized ottoman) he does go outside and in doing so he smells like a hot, dog. You know what that smells like, right? Worse than teen b.o. and cleat sweat put together.
I was pleasantly surprised the other afternoon, when I woke from my Sunday nap and Ben told me he had bathed the dog. His actual words were, "me and Shorty took a shower". And he had, with the dog, in his bathing suit (Ben...not the dog).
I was so happy. The dog smelled great. Ben told me he had used my head and shoulders shampoo, "so Shorty will not have any dandruff." Not that he had before, but it was a nice thought. And I was hardly irritated when I went downstairs and found he had used my new towel set to dry the dog. Or that my bathroom rug felt like it had been through a monsoon. Not even when I had to get on my hands and knees and clean the shower drain free of a hairball the size of a guinea pig. It's all good. My kid helped without being asked. Makes a momma proud. That is until I got out of the shower the next morning and grabbed my hairbrush. My new hair brush, that makes my hair do that perfect smooth ,flippy behind my ears thing (without being too poofy or frizzy)....like no other brush I have ever owned has done. The hairbrush that now has old, wet dog hair matted into the bristles. Yes, he groomed the dog with my hairbrush. Would it be wierd to put a kid on restriction for doing chores?

Questions and comments heard in the green house

By Teresa

I hope your car is really messed up.

Where did you hide the candy bars?!?!

If you can cut all the hair off the back of your head without consulting me, I can shave my head without asking you.

How do you like my hair?

You know I do not bend over in the daytime.

Theodore Roosevelt was just staring at me in the mddle of the night.

I was more confused than a cow on AstroTurf.

When I'm out of town in a hotel, it's like being at home.  I leave the rooms messy, come back and its all clean again.

You can't say thirty quietly.  Go ahead, try.
See, you were loud.

Nut up or shut up.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Laugh and the world laughs with you

By Teresa

Picked up my rental car today,
Teenager not paying attention in school parking lot...bam...hence rental car.
Anyway, I picked it up and Ryan (the enterprise man) did the once over before handing me the keys.
Smudge on side door...check.
Scratch on hood...check.
Cigarette burn on rear seat...check.
Then we were off. Ben was thrilled (the kid is seriously insane about cars) and had it programmed to Sirius satellite radio and synced the Bluetooth to my phone before we even got home. He spent the next few hours in the car, in the driveway calling people by yelling out, "CALL. ....". I even got a text from Chris, who is in Richmond, wanting to know if everything is okay. He was in a meeting and kept getting calls from my number. Lol.
Later, after Ben's insistence that we pleeeease go somewhere, we went to dinner with my mother. While driving home, he was pointing out things about the car to her. Then he said, "nanny, look at this cigarette butt hole in the seat". At which I busted out laughing so hard I actually couldn't see while driving for about 30 seconds...cause my son said butt hole...get it? Hahahahaaha
Ben's response to my guffawing was..."real mature mom!". Which made me laugh even harder, cause my 12yr old had to call me out for laughing at butt hole. Great parenting moment.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Stealing from a poor widower...I feel so ashamed

By Teresa

I got home from running errands today. Mom heard me pull up and met me in the driveway. "I did a bad thing", she said.
"I made a cake for Roger (man across the street, whose wife died two days ago) and I cut it and ate a piece instead of giving it to him". Then she told me she had cut it in half and slipped it in my kitchen while I was gone.
And I ate some too....now I'm an accomplice.