Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Jesus was more popular (and sought after) than Wii, ipods and plasmas.
Eating spaghetti burned more calories than two hours on the treadmill.
Beautiful stories would come to life as you read them aloud.
Every man, women and child had a warm, loving home.
We could fly with the birds.
Our loved ones in heaven could email us.
Eating yellow skittles cured cancer.
Cars ran on dryer lint instead of gasoline (I would be able to drive to Vegas and back on a weeks worth of my families laundry output).
What are some of your "imagine ifs"?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Oh my gosh. I was just checking my email and listening to my blog and realized yesterday's song had a curse word in it.
I had no idea.
First day of school yesterday for Lauren.
Back to ODU.
We sent her out with our check card to get school supplies.
She came back with a planner and a flash drive.
Wow, things sure have changed.
No notebooks, pencils and loose leaf.
Just a laptop and all set.
They email every assignment to the professors.
Ben got his teacher assignment in the mail today. We are so excited that he was placed with Mrs. Logan. She was Nick's teacher and was so nice and patient....and with Ben's chatty mouth he will need someone nice and patient.
The boys had a friend spend the night last night. They spent the entire day in the pool today. I got bored sitting out there so I went in Dad's garage (you can still supervise the swimming from there) and watched What Not to Wear and ate a couple of minute maid frozen lemonade pops. The temperature dropped overnight, making it pretty chilly out there. I was not about to get in the pool with them.
Ben has been practicing his back stroke takeoff. Michael Phelps style. Over and over and over he tries to acheive the perfect kick off. Just think...in 2016 he could be wearing the gold.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wow. Up at 6:00am and it didn't even kill me.
I haven't been up at any time that started with a 6 in 3 months.
Come to think of it, I haven't been up at a time that started with a 7 or 8 either.
Lazy summer days. That's how we roll around here.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I bought Johnson & Johnson adhesive bandages....but I still call them bandaids. I call all baggies ziplocks and all ear cleaners qtips.
I am teaching children's church tomorrow morning.
The leper who was healed.
I'm thinking of covering my body with bandaids and having the kids rip them off.
Maybe I will have Nick come in and be my leper.
Well, it's almost over.
Only mens bball game and closing ceremony that I am planning on watching.
We have really enjoyed the track and field and Volleyball the past few days.
What in the world will I do after tomorrow night.
Sleep, I guess.
Chris went up to bed early tonight.
I made him go upstairs when I looked over in the middle of Flags of our Fathers and he was sleeping while sitting up with a drink (diet lipton rasberry ice tea) in his hand.
If you're that tired go to bed silly.
Why is it when a man wants to go to bed (or anywhere) he just goes?
When a woman wants to go to bed she has to shut and lock doors, let the dog out to use the bathroom, turn off all the tv's, cut off every light in the house, and make sure the kids are content and contained?
I'm just saying.
Who is loving the early fall"ish" weather?
Me, me, me!
Cool breezes and no humidity.
September....some to momma!
The only bummer is only 8 more days of my white capris.
That is, if I go by fashion rules.
Man, do I love those white capris.
Maybe I'll wear them everyday till then.
I wonder if Chris would notice?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Is that line judge wearing a batman tshirt?
His stuff touched my mesh.
What's up with the thin toilet paper? I nearly scratched my colon.
All the kids are gone. Let's sneak and go out to eat.
Did you guys go to a buffet? Dad said I'm not allowed to tell you.
Man, I wish I could pause that!
Every time I see someone doing a leprechaun dance it makes me say," my ears are burning!"
I only crack my knuckles on accident when I run into a door.
What would you do if there were Lego skateboards?
It is going to be a stipulation that they never say intercourse in my presence again.
September 29th is National Dummy Day.
Whoa! Bikini girls!
If I looked like that I would move somewhere where it is legal to walk around naked.
We need to get them a wedding cake.
That usually means you're going to get frisky.
What is up with all the roast beef?
Here, smell my feet and see if they stink. No! I'm eating!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I did this the other day. I actually broke a button. And, I was standing 1foot in front of the tv. Why didn't I just use my hand to change the channel?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Hey, I would really like to know the answer to this one.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
My kids do this all day long! Did they think the fruit turned into chili dogs or something?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Yes, yes, yes! I do this one all the time.
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right? 'Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Some old lady did this to me the other day. I told her,"back off you old bitty and get those coke bottle glasses adjusted so you don't take somebody else out!" No, I really did. I don't have any problem being mean to old people.
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Did this at last weeks cookout. Luckily we were at the picnic table outside.
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
All of my friends are crazy(it's actually a requirement), so this doesn't pertain to me.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Wanna know the most annoying thing in the world?
When a mosquito sneaks into bed with you.
I awoke at 4:00am to fifty little bites all over my legs and feet.
I thought I would scratch myself to the bone by 5:00am.
I'm putting up some of that netting they use on African safari's!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
If I find one more of these nerf darts behind the couch, under the fridge, in my bed, stuck in the dryer lint trap or any other place other than the bag they are supposed to be stored in I am going to flip out!
While I'm on the subject I would also like the request that Ben remove all his matchbox cars and legos from anywhere my little tootsies might step on them. Ouch.
And Lauren, your just as bad. Please remove all the fast food paraphernalia from your car, so when I move it or have to run up the street I don't get out with honey mustard stains on my white capris.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Green family is completely engrossed in all things Olympic.
If it's on, we are watching.
If we are sleeping, we are dvring it.
Handball, basketball, swimming, diving, volleyball, water polo, softball, soccer, gymnastics and tennis.
We even sat for a few minutes of equestrian, skeet shooting and boxing.
The kids have never really been interested in past Olympics. It's been nice having so much family time. As you know, it's usually hard to find something the entire family can watch without embarrassing bleeps and boobs popping unexpectedly on the screen.
I never got into the Olympics as a kid. It was always an aggravating interruption of my Love Boat or Fantasy Island tv time. And don't even get me started about how Wimbledon used to interrupt my life for weeks, forcing me to go outside and play or heaven forbid read a book to pass my day away.
Ben's favorite is swimming. Michael Phelps swimming to be exact. Why? Because Ben likes to win. And Michael Phelps is a winner.
Nick's favorite is beach volleyball. He is a 13yr old boy. Need I say more?
Lauren and Chris like the basketball games.
My favorite is gymnastics. The kids are so talented and impressive. I just can't get over how they can make their bodies do these incredible things and make it look so effortless.
What is your favorite Olympic event to watch?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Did they leave in the poo-tee cruiser?
Push my nose to make it pop out.
They went for a walk with the moby, and this time there was no poop involved.
Their butts are so perfect, I can't even stop myself from staring.
Eww, look at all that dandruff in her hair. You would think knowing she was going to be on tv for the Olympics would have prompted a hair washing.
That's just sand stupid!
I'm not stupid, but you're restupid!
She's going through her mid-day drama session. Don't worry, you'll like her again later.
Redskins are stinky, the Cowboys are the team you want.
Chris is all about the spirit fingers.
Shorty's putting on his lipstick for Dora.
Kaden! Stop biting the dog!
Man, gar really licked you tonight. Pee-u!
OMG. Did she say Pat Robertson on Dancing with the Stars?
He put parmesan cheese on the burgers? Nick's a regular Emeril La-gag-me.
If you get her wet again you will be eating oodles of noodles for two weeks.
My tummy hurts. Do you think it was the five krispy kremes I ate?
You drooled everywhere.
What can I say....I'm a sloppy eater.
Do I have a bathing suit on?
You just can't make this stuff up.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
I'm not sure what's going on, but for some reason bloggin' momma is slippin' on the daily content. I told her I don't do pictures and I don't do music, which means this space is very wordy when she isn't in control. And pretty boring too.
So, we filed our umpteenth Geico claim last night. I bet they're wondering "just how many Ford Escorts can one kid wreck?" And, I'm understanding the high rates for knucklehead teenage drivers more and more. Granted, nearly all of the accidents were not her fault. Still . . . three times since she's been licensed to drive now, I've gotten the news . . . . "dad, the car is wrecked." Yeah, one time she wasn't even in the car. But still. Good grief. So, she's driving a rental PT Cruiser now. Everyone's o.k. She's such a pro now, that she filed the claim and got the car towed, came home and THEN told us about it. Mom and daughter decided to just wait until morning to tell dad, in fact. I thought it was weird when Lauren crawled into bed with me this morning. She ain't exactly the "cuddle with daddy" type.
So, I skipped the Thursday night at the beach thing. I'm probably in some type of longterm trouble over it. My awesome wife is a people person, and my need for aloneness really perplexes her, I can tell. She loves all people. Nice people. Mean people. Pretty people. Ugly people. Old people. Young people. Smart people. Stupid people. I guess I love people too. I just get enough of them fairly often. I like to be alone. I especially don't like to be around the same people too often, or do the same thing too many times. I admit its weird. Maybe its an only child thing (did Freud look into that?). But, being alone is ... something I long for pretty often. And, tonight, I wanted to be alone. So, I was. Lauren came home. But, she likes to be alone too. So being home with her is like being alone. We both really don't want to talk to each other very much. It was lonely bliss for a few hours. I hope the people-lovers don't mind too much ;))
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
It's been a long time since we've written about KiKi ... the dog. But, she topped herself tonight. She actually managed to break a portion of our wooden gate IN HALF to get out. There are teeth marks on the wood, so we can only assume that she literally bit treated lumber into submission. If you don't know the KiKi drama, look back a few months. She is an absolute Houdini escape artist. There really seems to be nothing that will keep this dog contained. Which reminds me ... that Nick is reading the book Marly and Me. All dog people should read this.
And speaking of the dogs . . . Last night Kaden's new puppy Dora came over to play (and, explaining exactly where Dora came from and where she lives is really too complicated a story for me to go into tonight. Dora doesn't live with us though. More on that later). KiKi has been Shorty the dog's girl for some time now. Since the fence has been down between the yards, they have been practically married. So here comes young Miss Thang Dora last night, and catches Shorty's eye. They're all ga-ga over each other, dog-flirting and chasing each other all over the yard. And, I swear, KiKi is looking at Shorty like "Oh no he didn't just take up with that young mutt like that!" He was being a figurative and literal dog at that point . . . from the ladies' point of view, anyway. It was hilarious. Katy, seeming to relate to KiKi's situation, was all sympathetic for the termporarily scorned KiKi. "Awweee her feelings are hurt," she said at one point. We were joking that Shorty was in deep doo-doo when Dora left. Which makes me think . . . I wonder if that's what got her fired up enough to bite a gate in half? Could be. Hmmm.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Teresa called the house this evening to tell me she was broken down. Right in front of Ben's friend's house, where she was picking him up. That's never good news for me. I can't fix , uhhh, anything. So, I get my shoes on to pick her up and get in a little bit of a mood thinking about getting the car towed and fixed and all that entails. It sounds pretty serious. Making a real loud noise when you put it in gear, won't move, blah, blah, blah. Apparently, there was a loud sudden impact noise of some type. On my way, the phone rings. It's Teresa. "On your way, go to Advance and pick-up a cv axle . . . ." (or something like that. I know nothing about cars). I'm like, huh what in the world am I going to do with that! Apparently, a neighbor of the friends is on the scene, and has diagnosed the problem, called Advance Auto Parts, secured the part and towed the car (using his all-terain vehicle) to his back yard. I was like, "say what??" I'm instructed: Just go to Advance, tell 'em your there to pick up the part for Mike. Stupid as I am about cars, I actually ask "will an axle fit in my car?" I think I heard them laugh at that one. Sure enough, they have the part ready for me. The sticker says one price, but they give it to me for 40% less than that. Apparently, they know Mike. I don't even know Mike! So, I deliver the part to the address as instructed, and sure enough, this Mike has our van jacked up in his back yard, while Ben and friends are jumping on his trampoline and Teresa and the ladies of the neighborhood are enjoying cold drinks. By the time I get there, the wheel and whole front right section is disassembled. So, in faith, I give the box to Mike, and have a seat on his porch. 20 minutes later, the car is put back together and he's test driving it around the block. Good as new. New axle installed in less time than it takes me to put together a toy at Christmas. I'm thinking that was easily a $600 job and a couple of days at the shop. Mike asked for waaaayyyy less than that. So much less that we threw in a little extra out of gratitude.
I'll count it as a blessing. A note on our front door says "put on the armor of God." I do that every morning, and add this quick prayer before I pull out of the driveway, that I have been doing for 11 years now: "God, today is Your day and I give it to You. Guide and protect us today. Take us where you want to take us, put us in the path of people you want us to influence and those you want to influence us."
I can pick my nose with my toe.
You're going to get athlete's boogers.
When I walked into the bathroom it smelled like I had stepped into a butt crack.
Whoa...that was almost a gynecological shot right there.
You are such a dork. Lucky for you I'm into dorks!
I need some watermelon!
Mom, why do I have to read for school? It's so stupid!
Come on...what did you think a movie called Mr. Woodcock was going to be like?
You can just look at that and know it's good.
Lock the door....Kaden's coming.
NO...you can NOT have a third pack of fruit rollup stackers!
The cooks' cellphone ring in Maymar's (Filipino diner) was a kitty cat meowing. That's just wrong!