“How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on”

by teresa

Went to Sams today.
Love that place (cheesecakes for $10)!
I had to use the restroom while I was there, but as I approached there was a sign stating it was being cleaned. Before I walked up I barely had to go...but once you are denied access....with no notice of how long it will take....the urge grows stronger.
Some old lady and I stood there doing the "pee pee" dance for ten minutes, while this minimum wage earning kid slapped enough water/cleaner on the floor with his stinky mop, to sink the titanic. I think he was rushing because, aforementioned old lady kept kicking open the door and yelling that,"I HAVE TO GO ALOT BECAUSE OF MY MEDICATION...SO GET OUT!!!".
The young man stared a whole in his feet as he squeezed out the door with his cart-o-Lysol and big yellow sign. By this time there was a long line. Me and five additional elderly women who have medication induced bathroom emergencies. Did I let them go first? Nope. When you have to go you have to go. And besides...I was there first. No cutsies allowed (I'm sure I saw a sign that read something like that).
The floor was so wet, that I almost busted my butt twice before entering the stall. I think it was God punishing me for not showing respect to my elders. Of course I picked the one stall that had a broken lock....and no purse hook. The floor was seriously dripping wet, so I could not set my purse down (ewwww). I had also wore my new, black scarf. The loooong one. The one that when I sit, touched the floor. Good grief....can nothing be easy?
So I wrapped the scarf around my head a couple times like the red baron, gnashed my purse between my teeth, sat down with one leg up (stretching with all my short person might) to pin the door closed. Cause you know those old ladies can't see and would snatch that door open on me in mid tinkle. I actually giggled out loud, looking down at myself and how completely insane I looked. I won't get into details about *ahem* wiping. Just picture the same scene, except with my forehead pressing against the door to prohibit peeping.
I will definitley go before I leave the house from now on.