I should make a song about boobies.
Hearing Jesus loves you, is always a good thing.
Unless, you are in a Mexican prison.
Getting something out of our freezer is like playing jenga. You touch the wrong box of waffles and it all comes tumbling down.
Honey, come here and tell me if this is a condom?
If I tip my head down, snot pours out.
Well, I was going to ask if you feel frisky, but never mind.
Why do you have to give someone your coupon? Cant you just leave people alone? What do you think you are...a coupon fairy?
The lady in old navy gave me a hug.
Here mom, it's the $25.00 I owe you.
(five minutes later, same kid walks back in room)
Hey mom, can I borrow $5.00? I know you have it.
I'm gonna go call of duty on your booty!
Her eyebrows look like a mulberry bush; you got to go all the way around them to see her face.
Did you powder your thighs?