Saturday, January 31, 2009

dude...get some tissue and go to the bathroom...please!!!

by teresa

We went out to dinner last night at Olive Garden.
Not too long after we had been served our meal we realized we were seated near a "snorter".
You know the type.....every five seconds or so they snort (nasty phlegm clearing snort).
We figured it must be a disorder or something because he couldn't stop. the entire hour we were seated he must have snorted 1,000 times.
We could not stop laughing. Every time we would get started on a conversation...he would snort...and we would crack up.
It was so hard to get through the meal without gagging (it was really disgusting).
We couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Friday, January 30, 2009

why you should check your childs homework every night

by teresa
(this was so funny I had to post it)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Mrs. Smith

Thursday, January 29, 2009

what to do when your locked out of the house

by teresa

On Sunday mornings my father-in-law (George) leaves for church before his wife (Jackie). He goes early to help set up and get things in order for the service. Jackie takes her time getting ready and does some straightening of the house before she joins him. Two weeks ago, after George had left, she went out to the garage to get something....and accidentally shut the door. It was locked and her keys, cellphone and clothes were in the house. No, she was not naked....just in her pajamas. To make matters worse, it was about 20 degrees outside. brrrrrr. George would not be back for hours. Our house is two blocks away, but it was too cold to make that trek and in pajamas no less. What to do, what to do?
I think she figured she better keep moving or risk being a nanny Popsicle.
So that's what she did.
She cleaned and organized every square inch of their garage and attic space.
When George returned home and opened the side door to the garage he found her sitting there, basking in the glory of a job well done.

He says he's going to lock her out of the house at least once every six months or so.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

who is that lady?

by teresa

Earlier this week Katy and the kids had a visitor.
A car pulled up and dropped off a woman who walked up to the door hurriedly.
Katy went to the door (all smiles) but with confusion.
"Who is this lady", she thought.
Thinking it was just one of mom's friends from work coming over to visit, she let her in.
Just as the woman was walking in the door mom was pulling up from work.
"Who is that woman", she thought?
Thinking it was one of Katy's friends from (wherever Katy would have friends from), she smiled and went in the house to meet her.
Once inside, the three of them just looked silently at each other. The woman looked a bit worried just as mom and Katy were mouthing to each other *w h o i s t h i s p e r s o n i n o u r l i v i n g r o o m ?*
Once they realized neither of them knew her they spoke up.
"Hello...what is your name"?
My name is Jane Doe....and I'm here for the party."
This poor woman was given a ride by someone with the wrong address (one street off) to a birthday party.
She figured she had the right place since Katy led her in so happily.
They called the phone number the woman had down and found the correct address.
My mother then drove her over to the friends I guess.

“Strangers are friends you have yet to meet”

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

up at 2:30am?

by teresa
uhhhh....3 and a half hour nap could be the reason.
We were up before 5am yesterday, so when we got home I crashed.
I went to bed in the early afternoon...and woke to darkness.
Now I am up long after the rest of the family (except Lauren who just joined me for a late night episode of tlc's intervention)...hungry and wanting to vacuum the boys room (stupid hamster shavings).
I don't think that would go over very I think I'll step away from the hoover upright and just grab a book and wait out the sandman.

I sure wish I had some of that cake left...the one from the dessert auction.

Monday, January 26, 2009

two boys in the same car for 100 miles arguing about touching and looking and poking at each other

by teresa

We had a great day in Richmond at the PTA general assembly day.
We left a bit before 6:00am and the boys were surprisingly chipper.
While there, we met the Governor (Tim Kaine) and listened to a bunch of opinions on a bunch of topics. Changing school calendars, clean air act, where to make budget cuts in k-12, crosswalk laws, cigarette tax raise, etc.
Some we agreed with...some not.
Those state PTA chicks can be intense.
It was a great experience...especially for the kids.
We walked all over the place and took tons of pictures.
The boys love all the historic buildings, statues and houses. We promised them a trip to Washington DC soon (Ben has never been).
After the sessions we looked up this place I had seen on Food networks: Dinners,drive-ins and Dives. It's called Dot's back inn.
Have mercy people.
That was some good vittles!

we the people...

by teresa

We had a dessert auction after our church potluck yesterday.
Money is being raised for the Upward basketball program, and everyone donated a homemade pie or cake or brownies.
It raised over $1200.00
Goodness, we are serious about our food.
I won a chocolate fudge cake with homemade choc. icing.
It was amazing!
Nick took my picture with it. I will post later.
Right now we are all up early and about to head to Richmond for the day (schools out for a teacher workday).
It is pta day at the general assembly and we are going to represent Nick's school.
I'll take lots of pictures.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


by teresa

Only one full game played today (out of four).
Kai was too sick to go to his (throwing up all night). Kristian got hurt in her game(she's fine, just a bruised knee) and sat the second half. Nick played a full game (and won his third in a row) and Ben played one half of his soccer match and then ran to the sidelines and puked in a garbage can.
Fun memories.
Chris just called on his way home from watching ODU play. He says he is not feeling well. Great. We just keep passing the love around.

Friday, January 23, 2009

where is my brain?

by teresa

Shorty was given a bath about a week ago. Ben took his collar off so it wouldn't get all wet. He also took the tags off the collar (a task I still don't understand). It all sat on the counter for a couple of days...and then the collar vanished. I looked everywhere. Every cabinet, drawer, closet, trashcan, bookbag and under the kids beds. Nowhere to be found. I wanted to attach the tags to something before they got lost too. So this morning, when I ran out to get more childrens' ibuprofen (Ben's sick) I bought a new collar. I came home and put his tags on the new red accessory and then went to put it around his neck. It wouldn't fit. Why? Because his COLLAR was already on him. I had looked everywhere...but on the dog's neck!

“Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...”

Thursday, January 22, 2009

if momma ain't happy...nobody's happy

by teresa

This is a true story.
The story of a frog named Binyah Binyah.
This was a much wanted pet, a loved frog...but not by all.
The one called "mom" did not like her children's new friend (which was bought by the aunt).
Frogs are gross, she thought. I am not touching that icky thing!
But she did as all mom's do, she grinned and beared it.
She pretended to care for the amphibian, all the while waiting (with much anticipation) for it's demise.
How long do frogs live, she wondered?
The kid's goldfish hardly made it home before kicking the bucket.
Maybe she would luck out and Binyah would expire before the kids got too attached and they could get a cute puppy.
But alas, no luck for mom.
Frogs can live anywhere from 7-20 years.
And this one was hanging in there for a long, long, long time.
Years passed and the mom's feelings never changed for the creature. She was never outright mean to the animal...but she did accidentally forget to change the water for months on end. Only to find that darn thing happily swimming around in it's filth.
When would it end?

Picture it.
Dad is home alone and wanting to boil some water. For what...I don't know. Oodles of noodle, tea, mac-n-cheese? It doesn't matter.
He's boiling water, walks out of the kitchen to do something.....and forgets.
The water begins to churn, boil, overflow and melt the pot to mom's brand new stove.
Dad finally returns to kitchen to find pot melted to stove and freaks.
He picks pot up and tosses into trash can...which then catches on fire from the hot metal touching the plastic receptacle.
Don't worry, everything turned out alright. Dad cleaned up his mess and mom got a new stove out of it.
What does this have to do with the frog you ask?
Well, Binyah's bowl happened to be placed on the counter that day.
Close enough to the days calamity to be BOILED TO DEATH by the heat.
Or some brilliant plan of the mom's to finally be rid of her warted adversary?

You decide.

"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

snow day fun!

by teresa

We had such a fun..."grass day" yesterday.
The schools called our house at 5:40am to inform us of closings in anticipation of "the big one".
We were all staring out the windows all day.
It never came. Not even rain.
Could there be anything more disappointing to a kid? Or a severe weather junkie husband?
The one good thing was that the kids got to watch the inauguration with me.
They loved it (I couldn't even change the channel to check the forecast).
Everyone looked gorgeous, speakers were inspiring, Aretha belted it like only Aretha can and the quartet brought tears to my eyes. Our new president spoke well and excited me for the road ahead. I was in awe at the number of people there (all night waiting) in the bitter cold. They were all so happy, over joyed, united in one love/heart/mind. That's exciting, isn't it? Whenever people (different in social, economic,religions) come together in harmony....wonderful things will happen.

Monday, January 19, 2009

yes? no? maybe so?

by teresa

The anticipation of a snow day tomorrow has turned our entire family into giggly dorks.
Chris being the dorkiest of all.
The weather channel on....all day long.
I have had radar reports yelled to me every hour on the hour.
I really hope it happens....snow I mean.
The kids (ages 9-37) will be so happy.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

you know you have an awesome bookclub when you get home at midnight!

by teresa

I just woke up from a two hour nap. I really, really needed that. Yesterday was nonstop with activities from 9:30am-midnight. It was book club night and we were having such a great time talking, painting and eating that I didn't get home till around midnight. When I walked in the door I realized Lauren had friends over and Chris was hanging out with them. I restraightened the house and sat with a book (Lovely Bones) until they left. We went up at 2:00am. Who do I think I am... some twenty year old college kid? I was feeling it this morning when we woke for church.

Right now we are all about to snuggle on the couch and enjoy a good football game. My team, The Steelers, are playing and I really hope big Ben (Roethlisberger) takes care of business!

Pictures of yesterday's games: Kai's team won, Kristian's team (Chris coached) lost by two, Nick's team won 50-15 and Ben's team had a victory of 9-1 (with Ben heading the ball in the goal). What a day!

Friday, January 16, 2009

I would look like Humpty Dumpty in long underwear

by teresa

It's midnight...and I'm still up (stupid laundry).
And I am freezing.
It's not surprising since my Google weather page is telling me it's 23 degrees right now.
I have my thermostat on 60.
Do you think I should turn the heat to at least 65 before I go up to bed?
I guess I better hike it up a bit....or Ben's hamster is going to go into hibernation.

Note to self: go to Walmart tomorrow and buy five pairs of thermals. I'm sick of all the whining. "Mom, I can't feel my toes." "Mom, I can see my breath." Mom, the carpet makes a crinkle noise when I walk to the bathroom."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

what's going on around here?

by teresa

Ben signed up for beginning Spanish classes. Every wed. after school for six weeks. He is so excited. I think his goal is to be able to understand what our waiter at Rancho Grande is saying about us behind our back.

Nick is thinking about playing football. When I say "thinking" I mean he didn't poo poo us when we suggested it tonight. Usually we get a NO WAY...or FORGET IT! He loves playing basketball (and he's good), but have you looked at the boy. He looks like he could take someone out!

Lauren's best friend (and constant college break companion) Jasmine went back to school (Hampton University) on Sunday, so we have been seeing alot of her this week. I like that. She has eaten dinner with us and even stayed up and watched tv with me. Her and dad also snuck out the other night and had a little dinner date. She did the sweetest thing yesterday. She brought me home a vanilla latte from 7-11. It really hit the spot and put a smile on my face. Now, if I could just get her to clean her bathroom and wash a tub of clothes once in a while I would be one happy momma! Maybe by the time she's 30?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Hoop Heaven

By Chris

Had to add to Teresa's basketball post. We did, indeed, go to a college basketball game last night that kept us out until well past 11 p.m. And, it was worth it. Something happens to my boys at a basketball game that doesn't happen anywhere else. They fight and bicker pretty steady anywhere else. But, not at the Ted (the affectionate name for our team's homecourt) during a game. They are totally into the game and experience. They know every players' names and strengths. They cheer together, talk about the players together, and dance and act crazy to try to get the jumbo-tron cameras to focus on them. Last night, they left me for the entire second half to sit in some open seats by the court together. Side-by-side. Smiling and giggling for a good hour. They scored two cameos on the jumbo-tron screens. It is an entirely masculine, manly man experience (we go with my former college roommates to every game), and they dig that we used to be just like the crazy students in the student section. Of course, we tell them we were even crazier . . . that those dudes have nothing on the people from our day. On the way home, they both promised me that when I get old, they'll come get me with their sons to go to games. No matter what! When we got home, I tucked them in. They were chatting in the dark about how one of their favorite new guys on the team scored 11 points as they drifted off to dreamland. And, that's at least as important as a good night's rest on a school night, right?

what does ESPN stand for?

by teresa

Last night the boys had an exciting game to go to.
ODU (which is exciting alone) on ESPNU.
It was a 9:00pm game (the games usually begin at 7:00).
Which meant a late (rowdy) night.
To be out this late on a school night is not usually encouraged (by mom). But, apparently it is a very big deal to be on tv and have the late game.
So turnout was to be big and the boys were preparing all afternoon (after homework was done of course). There was poster board, markers and scissors flying....and even talk of face paint.
When they walked out the door there was a blue wig, megaphone, blue/silver beads, monarch hats, ODU sweatshirts, a cape and fuzzy scarf worn. I won't tell you who wore what. All I know is I am so mad at myself for not taking a picture.

Oh, by the way, they won.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

don't touch that dial!

by teresa

I listen to three radio stations in my car.

NPR: when I am shuttling a kid to and fro. Why? Because they hate it. Hahahahaha. And what better pleasure is there than blaring Mozart as your teenager is getting out of the car in front of school? I know....I'm twisted.

Gospel: when we are all in the car going somewhere together. Why? Because when the Green family is within touching distance from each other...God needs to be there too. We have had some not-so-nice car hitting/slapping/screaming/pinching experiences. But when someone's on the box singing about Gods grace...the assaults are kept to a minimum.

The Wave (favorites from yesterday and today): when I am alone. Why? It's got a little bit of everything. Donna Summer, Rascal Flatts, Elton John. I can't get into top 40 anymore. It is all just way too raunchy.

What do you like to listen to?

Monday, January 12, 2009

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer

by teresa

3yr old: Mom, where's my picture I colored at church?

Mom: Ummm (stalling because she threw it away and is digging out of trashcan) I will get it for you.

3yr old: (Looking intensely at slightly crumpled drawing brought by mom) Mommy, did you throw this in the trash?

Mom: No....I will not throw it in the trash can. I love it honey.

3yr old: No mommy....did you throw it in the trashcan?

This back and forth game went on a few more minutes with said mommy trying to bemuse clever toddler (the 3yr old never cracked got confused or wavered with her interrogation) ending in my sister coming clean and begging Kaden for forgiveness.

That kid is so smart.

Chris said he would have told her, "yes...I threw it was ugly."

He's such a meanie.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Saturday, January 10, 2009


by teresa

I'll let Chris write about the game he coached today.
It was a hoot!

A win...a loss...and a tie

by teresa

I'm beat.
We left the house at 9:30am and returned at 8:45pm.
Seven hours of basketball, an indoor soccer match and a big (heavy) italian dinner with the family.
I am ready for Monday. Weekends are too busy!
Here's a collage I made of the kids games today.

Friday, January 09, 2009

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”

by teresa

Brrrrr. It is cold and I love it!
We have a jam packed weekend of activities.
Starting with movie night at Ben's school tonight (after a chilly soccer practice).
Between the cousins and my kids we have four games to watch tomorrow.
Chris is coaching Kristian's team (all girls) and I am very excited to see them in action.
Then on Sunday after church is Kai's 8th birthday party.
Pizza and bowling....the kids will have a blast.

Since I won't have time tomorrow, I am posting Kai's birthday blog today.
What can I say about my nephew Kai?
He is a living cartoon character and his life is a video game (which is not surprising since he lives for video games).
Bouncing, spinning and racing around (and always with his own crazy sound effects).
The kid is just a flat out N U T.
The other night Chris was over talking with Katy.
They heard siren noises, turkey gobble sounds and whoooot whoooot whooot coming loudly from the back of the house. It went on for like ten minutes and kept getting louder and louder. They could tell it was Kai...but what game was he playing? They yelled out, "Kai, what are you playing?" He yells back,"I'm going to the bathroom!"
That's about right. He can make even that exciting.

Happy Birthday our sweet boy (who is the spitting image of my father).

Thursday, January 08, 2009

this is hilarious

by teresa

Growing up in a pentecostal church I have seen some dancing. But if our praise team broke out a routine like this on Sunday morning I would have a hard time keeping a straight face. I mean, come on....the moonwalk? hee hee

Click here

Actual questions and comments heard in the Green house this week

by teresa

He broke off my hamsters foot.

Mom, why did you write "I love you" in my school planner? It was very embarassing.

I will be the boss of the entire school.

He even sleeps in that dang hat.

I got shotgun!!!!!!!!!!

He's just happy in his dorky little world.

I'm mad that you brought out the blow dryer.

Our niece is an evil genius.

The game is on Saturday...better pick him up some baby powder.

Your life is made for an ibook.

I am too blessed to be stressed.

I only have to wash my hair twice a week.

You are in there twenty minutes with the water running each morning....15 of the minutes you are going to the bathroom, 2 minutes under the water, 3 minutes drying off. You have got to work on your showering routine.

Don't lie...your toothbrush is dry!

I did it with my finger.

I got my husband an iron for Christmas.

She has got to gee-ohh.

He was shorter than I pictured.

Can you pick that up...if I bend over any longer I will pass out.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Quite a Night at the Greens

By Chris

What a night. I'm not sure where to start, but this night was quite a trip. So, Lauren brought home a boy, whose a friend, with whom she has been hanging out with for quite a while. Met him at school. We've been hearing about him . . . but, officially, he's a friend. Whatever. He was totally acceptable. Quite polite and a little shy. I'm sure the Green house experience freaked him out a little, though. First, I had to warn him to hold tight out in the cold until I could get the howling dogs secluded. Then, the boys got home. Ha! After polite greetings, mom, dad, Nick, and Ben went upstairs to let them watch a movie in the den. It wasn't long before shrieking and screaming started. What did you do? ...... Mom! Dad!!! Ahhh, bahhh,, ahhhh...Nick cut off my hamster's toe!!!!! He's GUSHING blood!!!!!!! Boom, boom, bumble, run, yell mom-dad-two-boys-full-blown-four-way-freak-out-fight. And, our house is not that big. From the sound of it Lauren's friend probably thought: 1. Someone was mutilating animals. and, 2. I killed both boys, because I yelled pretty loud, forgetting about the company. The first yelling was at Nick . . . "What did you do !?!?!?, give me that Hamster you're holding now!!!." Then, realizing the stupid thing only had some miniscule scrape on his little freaky human-like hand, I turned my ire at Ben . . . "Nobody cut anybody's toe off!! This IS NOT gushing blood. It's a DROP!!! Don't freak me out like that unless something really bad ACTUALLY happens!!!!" Or something like that. Ben then responds "WAHHHH, AHHH" Then, more for Nick, who screamed back at me in reaction to my initial screaming . . . "And, I don't care if you didn't actually do anything. You don't scream at me or say freakin' to me. I'm the dad and I can scream. You can't." And, Lauren's boy \ friend left pretty soon after all that. He didn't call us down to say bye.

Not my proudest parenting moment. I mean, did I actually scream at someone for screaming? Duh! Nick and I laughed about it all later when I made Ben go to sleep and let him sneak down and watch a late basketball game with me.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.” Erma Bombeck

by teresa

Everyone is just about back to normal (or as close to normal as a Green gets) around here.
Still a throat gurggle here and a nose blow there....but I can live with that.
School went great (according to both boys) and they even felt good enough to have an outing with dad last night. Go ODU!
I was thrilled with some relaxing alone time. Yes, I'm alone during the day....but that's different alone time. From the time I drop Nick off to the time Ben walks in the door I am scrambling. Load this, wash that, organize this, fold that, run here, drop off that, find that smell and file that.
Being a SAHM is like being a homeowner. The repairs and upkeep are never ending. But seeing the fruit of your labor (with a house and kids) is worth all the sweat you put into them.
Anyway...back to the subject. "After hours" alone time. Things are on tv that I would actually watch (unlike daytime tv which is unbearable). Shawshank Redemption was on....I can not NOT watch that movie when it is on. When he escapes and crawls through the sewer and slides out arms stretched in the rain I want to squeal every time. I turned on the tv (cut it down to a whisper...just enough to here Morgan Freeman says " I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged" and then I pulled out my book. The new Nicholas sparks book...The Lucky One. I had four hours. Wow. I finished the book (it was good) and the movie (the 20th time I've seen it) and headed to bed. After showering and getting in my jammies I tucked myself in with another book (The Christmas Box) and waited for my boys to come home.
Refreshed and renewed.
It's a good life.

Monday, January 05, 2009

no calls from school yet....

by teresa

They both woke up feeling better-ish and went to school.
Ben did take a squirt of chloraseptic...just in case.
He also requested hot apple cider for breakfast.
Because as he said,"dad says it is good for my glands."

Two hours down and still no call from the school nurse.

a mother's prayer

by teresa

Dear Father God,

By Your grace I come to You with all that I am and all that I ever hope to be.
I pray for healing over my children (head to toe). Touch them, warm them, comfort them.
In Your presence may all sickness and disease melt away and all become healing memories.
In Jesus precious name...AMEN.

Now go to school!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Enter at your own risk

by teresa

Everyone in this house is sick.

Coughs, headaches, swollen things...and don't even get me started on mucus (the colors you wouldn't believe).


We have the entire cough/cold/allergy/flu/fever section from Walgreen's on our kitchen counter.

NyQuil is my friend.

“Only in America - do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store”

Saturday, January 03, 2009

I'm nesting

by teresa

I had a dream.
A dream where dirt, clutter and stench were no more.
Things were organized and labeled in Rubbermaid, the useless was taken to the dump, and the once filthy and uninhabitable was made clean and perfect. Cozy even.
Today I awoke and made this dream a reality.
I cleaned my teenagers room.
Not just clean.
Beyond clean.
I emptied it!
I put all saveable and nostalgic paraphernalia in marked containers(ready and waiting in the attic for our little bird to fly the coup) and the rest (bags upon glorious bags) went to our local trash yard via my dad's old pickup.
Only the clothes that fit, books that need to be read, and school supplies for the upcoming semester are in there now.
What does my daughter think of this?
Well, she doesn't know.
Her and her friends went to Atlanta to catch some college and NBA basketball games for the weekend.
I figure, what does she care?
She uses that space from about midnight to 8:00am (and even less during college breaks).

I wonder if she would notice if I moved her brother's bed in there?
The boys have been begging for their own rooms. hmmmmm.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Blackeyed peas anyone?

by teresa

Happy New Year to you all.
For the first time in all my adult life I almost went to bed before midnight last night.
I was tired and Ben spent the night out. He's usually the only one who stays up with me.
Chris took pity on me and waited out the ball drop (and our neighborhood fireworks display) on the couch with me.
Around 9:00pm we all got into jammies, cause you just can't veg. on the couch in jeans and a sweater. I put on my new pink jammies with the polar bears I got half price after Christmas. Nick said I looked like the kid on a Christmas story in his bunny outfit.
We proceeded to watch snippets of Dick Clark , The Bucket List movie and some episodes of the Honeymooners.
I made a frozen pizza and cake.
I know....we know how to party hard don't we?
At midnight Ben called to say Happy New Year and I went on the porch to say the same to mom (who was on her porch next door). I banged on a pot. Twice. I on dude.
Today I will finish erasing Christmas trees, candles, snow globes and ornament glitter from our home. It needs to over, not in mind, but in sight.
I promise to put up some pics. soon.