All this work for some stupid candy canes!
I finished my Christmas decorating...I bought four bags of red and green m&m's.
Mom, can I drive your car? Yes, but no more than 5mph so my cranberry sauce doesn't spill.
Did you get your tubes tied mom?
Well then how do you pee?
Makes me think of Christ just looking at it.
I almost gave a homeless lady my soccer chair today.
Quoting the new pretzel m&m commercial..."no way you're putting that giant thing inside me!"
That's what she said.
You're not stupid...your mother is.
They perfected mashed potatoes back at Plymouth Rock, there was no need to add pumpkin to it.
Rednecks scare me.