Funny Airport Announcements

By Chris

Having missed my opportunity to catch the early flight, I am killing some time in the always entertaining Atlanta airport. I'm sitting by a gate with a planned flight to Mobile, which has now had this succession of announcements over the last half hour or so:

Ladies and gentlemen, the new estimated time of departure is 7:40. This is only an estimate. Please remain by the gate.

not good. that will get longer, I'm sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lavatory is excluded on this flight, please use the restroom before boarding. Once again, the lavatory is having a maintenance problem and is excluded.

Excluded? hmm. no rush. Ya'll ain't leaving no time soon anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an update for you. Our delay is due to your crew not being in the airport yet. We'll keep you posted.

Uh. oh. Lost crew. Maybe they're looking for a plunger?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry but your airplane is experiencing problems and will be hotter than usual. We apologize for the incovenience.

Hot? I've never heard that one before. Not a good combination with a broken bathroom

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an update on your crew. Seems they are delayed by a ground stop in Toronto. We are showing a new estimated departure time of 7:50.

Hmmm. You can't go from Atlanta to Mobile because it's foggy in Canada. Hahaha. Oh. And there is no way they make it from Toronto, if that is where they are, by 7:40. That's gotta be wrong?

Ladies and gentlemen, to clarify my earlier announcement, your airplane will only be hot while you are on the ground. Once you take off the air should kick in.

Important clarification. It'd be pretty tough to be hot at 30,000 feet. Broken toilet, missing crew, messed up air system. Not good.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a gate change announcement . . . .

Poor people, they're never getting outta here. But maybe they changed gates because they got a new plane and crew????

Uh oh. Now my flight has changed departure time on the board to 8:50 from 8:25.