Nap Sneeker

By Chris

Teresa has always been known to sneek naps. "I'm gonna take these upsatairs" and disappear for two hours. She got us good today. I wanted to head to Dick's after church to check out basketball goals. "You drop me off, then you and the boys can head over. I have laundry I have to do." After some protest (this would make it a much less direct drip and involve me and the boys shopping together . . . leaving me outnumbered), I dropped her off, and we headed out.

Dick's is a huge sporting goods superstore (two floors, elevators, parking garage big). As soon as we get in, Ben is all over the store like Ricochet Rabbit . . . and we entered in the clothes section, for heaven's sake. He was absolutely uncontrollable, intoxicated by the wall-to-wall play stuff by the time we got to the basketball hoops, where there are these bins of unwrapped footballs and basketballs. Before I knew it, he was taking shots at all the display hoops and dribbling around through the rows of equpment, knocking off stuff here and there. I go to slow him down, when he informs me: "I want this one. It has a sweet spot." Then he shows me how he can make just about every shot he puts up. Well, this excites me more than slowing him down, because having a basketball star son would be way cool for me, so I let him shoot some more (no need to curb the boy's sudden enthusiasm for hoops and the sweet spot!). None of the store people came after all his initial noise making, so it must be okay, right? Then I catch something in the corner of my line of sight, a person in the middle of he display, where a person shouldn't be. It's Nick. And he has no interest in shooting on the rims, but getting behind them to see how easy the various height adjustment tools on them work. To do this, he is climbing awkwardly on all their bases, and they're all rattling into each other. "Get out of there!!" I say, scared he would bring the whole display down on us all. The whole Green male blood line taken out by basketball goals!! Of course, this just makes Ben want to get in there and climb the poles too. Nick out . . . Ben sneaks in. Uggh. "EVERYONE OUT OF THERE!!!!" I yell. All this, and I still have not gotten a chance to compare the hoops. So, with them scared of me now (I have to convince them somtimes that I might just be crazy enough to sacrifice one of them for the sake of order to get them in line).

So, I start reading and checking the various features out. Do I want 48 inch, 52 inch, installed, do-it-yourself? Lots of variables to plug into the Blackberry for price comparing when I get home, and I can't concentrate. Sure hope that laundry's going well of Teresa@@!! As I find a comparison binder -- just what I needed -- I notice a rubber playground ball soaring for the ceiling, landing behing a huge row of basketballs on display about 20 feet high. Ben's on the ground looking really thrilled with himself. "Why did you do that?" I ask. Nick wants to look at those balls on the top, and I was trying to knock one down. "Stop it!!" Then, I see Nick at the far end of the 20-foot tall display of balls, ascending a ladder. That's right, he took it on himself to get one of the store ladders to get a closer look at the expensive basketballs at the top! "Get down!!!" I say, looking around to make sure nobody is noticing the knuckleheads doing their thing. "That's only for employees." Of course, Nick doesn't get it. He thinks he can do anything an adult can, and better.

So, I lead us away from the basketball section, thinking there wouldn't be so much to mess with in the other sections. Wrong! Soon, Ben's zinging professional frisbees and taking soccer kicks at roles of ace bandages on display, sending one flying down an aisle. "That's it. We're leaving!!" I say. "See what you did," Nick tells Ben, who replies "What did I do?" Uggghhhhhh. When we get in the car, I'm so flustered, I go the wrong way in the parking garage. After turning around, Nick turns down the radio, looks at me and proclaims, "You're giving me a headache." "Yeah Dad," Ben agrees. I'm giving them a headache?????

So, we made our way home and guess what Teresa's doing. That's right . . . taking a nap, probably giggling in her sleep at having pulled off this exiling of the boys to a shopping trip with me. Nick did just go with our neighbor the bus driver to help her fill-up and clean her bus, which is nice. But, cousin Kai has arrived to take his place (he's crawling under my legs behind the desk now to hide from Ben in some game they've got going. He gives me these instructions: "Tell him to look high and in the bathroom." I guess to throw him off the scent of Kai's very low non-bathroom hiding place.

Sweet dreams, honey!!